Failure, How to Handle it Better

We have all experienced failure before, but how we respond to it matters. Here are four tips for coping

1. Treat yourself with compassion
2. Share the burden with someone you trust
3. Learn from others
4. Change your mindset about failure

1. Treat Yourself with Compassion:

Failing is not enough reason to put yourself down. However big or small the failure is, make self-compassion a commitment.  You can practice compassion by:

• Choosing to forgive yourself. Even if you had no hand in the failure or rejection, self-blame is where our minds tend to go after failure. So whenever damning thoughts cross your mind, counter them with “I forgive you”.
• Practising respectful self-talk:  A lot of people will question their self-worth after a failure. They would say to themselves, “How could I be so dumb?” But you lower your self-esteem by doing this. Instead, admit your error and focus on improving your outcome next time.
• Giving yourself some encouragement: Even as you go through the negative emotions often associated with failing, remember to give yourself a pat on the back.  When loved ones call to share their challenges with us, we often would find words to soothe their pain. Well, I’m asking you to do the same for yourself.

2. Share with someone You Trust. 

Nobody goes through life alone. I don’t like to open up to people generally, but I know that we can all use some solidarity. We are social beings and we all need people in our lives.

3. Learn from Others: 

I find stories of successful people recounting previous failures motivating. Doing this serves me better than talking to people about an issue. Moreover, learning about what other people are struggling with can help you feel better.  I recently came across a story about a guy who suffered a brain disease that left him forgetting a lot. Despite that setback,   he was able to graduate from college.

4. Change your mindset About Failure:

What we believe about ourselves matters. One of my beliefs is that things will work out eventually for me. And because of this, I’m somewhat comfortable with rejection or failure.

I also believe that I’m not defined by my failures. At the end of the day, I would rather be defined by my values. For example, if I worked hard on a project that eventually failed. I’m able to take solace in my hard work which is more important personally.

Moreover, Failure means I tried. The story of Thomas Edison failing a thousand times (literally) at trying to make the light bulb drives home why it is important to not give up. His breakthrough changed the world.

Lastly, failure is not something we can avoid our entire lives. Instead of internalizing it, take it as a learning process. The biggest obstacle to failure is fear. The fear of trying again. But whether you are enthused or not, try again. That’s a winner’s mindset.